Coming Together

Coming Together

The visit with my in-laws went better than I had hoped.  Each of my children spent quality time alone with each of their grandparents.  They played games, built train tracks, told stories, sang songs, and learned new Chinese words.  My father-in-law taught my daughter how to wrap spring rolls, and taught my son how to count to ten in Chinese.

  (Wrapping Spring Rolls)          

 

     

                                                (The finished product)

We also enjoyed “together time” through family outings to the zoo, roller skating rink, and art museum.  All in all, I felt like we experienced a real “coming together” during their ten-day visit.

Our time together, however, was not without mishaps and miscommunications.  There were minor kitchen disasters, sprained wrists, hurt feelings, and misunderstandings.  And honestly, at one point, I wondered how we were going to end this visit on a positive note.

Then, somehow, we pulled through.  The kids’ patience was renewed, and I found them having a dance party with Nainai. And when my in-laws were preparing to leave, my two-year-old son exclaimed indignantly, “But you can’t go!”

I learned from this visit that patience and grace will take you a long way in bicultural families.  When my father-in-law (unknowingly) ruined one of my serving dishes and dyed all of the baozi neon green, I smiled at my husband and said, “Well, it could have been worse.”  And when my mother-in-law insisted on going shopping for bedding for two hours on Black Friday (right before the doorbusters ended and the stores were swamped), I smiled and said, “Okay.”

I’m not trying to be the perfect daughter-in-law (believe me, it will never happen). It’s just that, after being in this family for ten years, I’m finally starting to understand that if I extend just a little more patience and understanding, it will go a long way in bringing us together as a family.  

I want to know, what activities or outings bring your family together?  When tensions rise and nerves start to fray, what brings you back to together?

Have a beautiful week!

A Stir-Fried Thanksgiving

For years I have thawed, prepared, and cooked a turkey, only to have it sit in the fridge along with the leftover stuffing and mashed potatoes until I throw it all out just before Christmas.  For this reason, I’ve decided against cooking a traditional Thanksgiving meal.

We will have a stir-fried Thanksgiving! My in-laws are in town, which means that we will have three qualified chefs in the kitchen (my mother-in-law, father-in-law, and husband). While they are arguing over which sauce or chopping technique to use, I will silently slip down to the basement, coffee mug in hand, to watch the Thanksgiving Day parades with my kids.

Will our Thanksgiving be the same without the aroma of roasting turkey wafting through the air?  No.  But when we sit down to eat, we will all enjoy the food, and I will be able to rest assured that all leftovers will eventually be consumed.

I will not, however, leave the traditional Thanksgiving feast entirely by the wayside. The women in the family will make a homemade apple pie, and I’ll whip up some other pumpkin type dessert (haven’t decided yet).  

Finally and most importantly, we will give thanks that we are able to share this meal and be together as a family at this moment in time. 

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

p.s. For some real stir-fried Thanksgiving recipes by Grace Young, check out this article from the New York Times:

http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/11/09/six-steps-to-a-thanksgiving-stir-fry/

Communicating with Nainai and Yeye

I told my daughter that Nainai and Yeye (her paternal grandma and grandpa) would be coming to visit in a little over a week, to which she responded, “Oh. That makes me a little bit happy and a little bit sad.” Unusual response, I thought. She explained that she enjoyed the gifts they lavished upon her (reserved for another blog post!), but refused to elaborate about the sad part.  She didn’t need to. I knew that she felt frustrated because Nainai and Yeye don’t always understand what she says. My in-laws likewise feel frustrated because their granddaughter can’t speak Chinese.

When my daughter was young, Yeye always spoke Chinese to her, even though she didn’t comprehend a word he said.  He has since realized that she doesn’t understand Chinese (although she's learning!), and speaks mostly English to her, throwing in a Chinese lesson whenever he can.  Nainai speaks English beautifully with my daughter almost all the time, but unfortunately there are still many miscommunications.

Where do we go from here? I was determined to find a way to encourage real communication between grandparent and grandchild that was both fun and (relatively) stress-free. Building on my daughter’s love of games and reading, we created an “idea box.”  The "idea box" is a box full of ideas of things she can play, do, and create with Nainai and Yeye.  They include things she can teach her grandparents and things they can teach her. I told my daughter to pick an idea out of the box whenever she wanted to play with Yeye or Nainai but didn’t know where to start.

Later, I found my daughter reading ideas from the box to her younger brother.  The prospect of interacting with Yeye and Nainai had turned from a chore into a game! I will report back on the success (or failure) of the box.  Til then, if you want to make your own "idea box," I've listed some basic instructions below.  Feel free to modify. I'd love to see what you come up with!

Make your own grandparent “idea box”:

1. With your child, brainstorm a list of things they would like to do with their grandparents. (This can include games, stories, or songs you’d like to teach them--or vice versa, artwork you can create together, songs or stories you want to share or hear, and food you want to cook together.)
2. Type or write these ideas down on strips of cardstock or other sturdy paper.
3. Place idea cards in a small and easily accessible basket.
4. Make sure to include some extra blank cards so new ideas can easily be added to the box.

Enjoy!

Halloween Memories

A week ago, I watched my six-year-old (the butterfly) lead my two-year-old (the frog) from house to house to collect candy. They worked as a team: the older child directing the younger, the younger using his chubby-faced charm to score some extra sweets, and the big sister gently reminding her brother to say “thank you.”  It was beautiful, and will surely be a good memory for many years to come.

It reminded me of another warm Halloween memory--from last year, when we introduced my husband’s aunt from China to this American holiday. Our house was the last stop on her whirlwind trip around the United States, and instead of showing her the top tourist sites in our hometown, we carved pumpkins, shopped for the perfect costume at a Halloween superstore, and took her trick-or-treating around our neighborhood.

Halloween is not celebrated in China, so mock graveyards in the front yard, jack-o-lanterns, and goofy costumes were all new concepts to her, but my husband’s 71-year-old aunt (who also wears high heels and totes designer handbags on a daily basis) dove into the festivities with joy.

She spent hours carving her pumpkin, employing skills undoubtedly gained from years as a plastic surgeon.  At the costume store, she carefully selected a fabulous witch costume, complete with a magenta silk hat and waistband.  And then she donned the costume with matching magenta lipstick and went trick-or-treating with us.

This year, as I reflect on these memories, I hope that my children and I receive Chinese cultural and family traditions with the same joy and eagerness my husband's aunt, our Dayima (below), showed us.