One of many cultural (and family) traditions that I’ve
struggled to understand over the years is the annual inundation of gifts every time my in-laws visit. This visit my kids were inundated with gifts twice: once when
Nainai arrived and again when Yeye arrived. For those of you who have not experienced this, let me give
you the play-by-play.
My mother and father-in-law bring two bags when they
fly. The smaller of the two
contains their clothes for the week, while the larger bag is stuffed with gifts
for my kids (their only grandkids). The first order of business when in my in-laws arrive--no
matter how late--is the distributing of gifts (toys, school supplies, clothing
for the next three years, shoes, underwear, socks, books, movies, CDs, and
pretty much anything else you can imagine.)
In the middle of the gift-distributing process and about the
time our kids’ eyes were beginning to glaze over, my husband and I realized
that we should confiscate and hide some of these gifts to use as Christmas gifts
from Nainai and Yeye (since they probably hadn’t thought about Christmas yet).
Well, our plan caused great strife for both generations. My
son saw my husband carry a load of toys upstairs, and then later re-traced
dad’s steps to look for them. My
daughter saw everything, and later asked me why Yeye and Nainai hadn’t wrapped
the gifts. And my in-laws were just
plain mad that we prevented them from giving these gifts to their
grandchildren right away.
Days later, the kids had forgotten about the gifts, and my
in-laws had wrapped the confiscated items. I felt only marginally pleased with our solution, feeling
like--in attempt to keep our kids from becoming spoiled brats--we had offended
some deep-seated belief about how Chinese grandparents were supposed to show
their love for their grandchildren.
In Chinese culture, love is communicated in ways that I’m
not used to, through gift giving, food, and scolding. I’m trying hard to be understanding of this cultural
difference, but my pragmatic Western self just wants to tell my in-laws
to save their money, give their grandkids a hug, and tell them, “I love you”
instead. My in-laws are learning how to hug, though, so I’m trying to
learn how to be understanding of their need to give gifts.
May the gifts you give this season be filled with love!
Even aunts, uncles, great aunts, great uncles want to shower kids with gifts--not all kids are spoiled by this. I think it is the attitude after the gift is given (treasured or thrown disrespectfully aside and broken without much thought. KNOWING YOUR KIDS, I DON'T SEE A PROBLEM WITH JUST LETTING THEM ENJOY!!!! --Your Aunt S.
ReplyDeleteGood point! With Chinese New Year just around the corner, my two will undoubtedly have another chance to practice gratitude and appreciation for their grandparents and their love.
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