Coming Together

Coming Together

The visit with my in-laws went better than I had hoped.  Each of my children spent quality time alone with each of their grandparents.  They played games, built train tracks, told stories, sang songs, and learned new Chinese words.  My father-in-law taught my daughter how to wrap spring rolls, and taught my son how to count to ten in Chinese.

  (Wrapping Spring Rolls)          

 

     

                                                (The finished product)

We also enjoyed “together time” through family outings to the zoo, roller skating rink, and art museum.  All in all, I felt like we experienced a real “coming together” during their ten-day visit.

Our time together, however, was not without mishaps and miscommunications.  There were minor kitchen disasters, sprained wrists, hurt feelings, and misunderstandings.  And honestly, at one point, I wondered how we were going to end this visit on a positive note.

Then, somehow, we pulled through.  The kids’ patience was renewed, and I found them having a dance party with Nainai. And when my in-laws were preparing to leave, my two-year-old son exclaimed indignantly, “But you can’t go!”

I learned from this visit that patience and grace will take you a long way in bicultural families.  When my father-in-law (unknowingly) ruined one of my serving dishes and dyed all of the baozi neon green, I smiled at my husband and said, “Well, it could have been worse.”  And when my mother-in-law insisted on going shopping for bedding for two hours on Black Friday (right before the doorbusters ended and the stores were swamped), I smiled and said, “Okay.”

I’m not trying to be the perfect daughter-in-law (believe me, it will never happen). It’s just that, after being in this family for ten years, I’m finally starting to understand that if I extend just a little more patience and understanding, it will go a long way in bringing us together as a family.  

I want to know, what activities or outings bring your family together?  When tensions rise and nerves start to fray, what brings you back to together?

Have a beautiful week!

A Stir-Fried Thanksgiving

For years I have thawed, prepared, and cooked a turkey, only to have it sit in the fridge along with the leftover stuffing and mashed potatoes until I throw it all out just before Christmas.  For this reason, I’ve decided against cooking a traditional Thanksgiving meal.

We will have a stir-fried Thanksgiving! My in-laws are in town, which means that we will have three qualified chefs in the kitchen (my mother-in-law, father-in-law, and husband). While they are arguing over which sauce or chopping technique to use, I will silently slip down to the basement, coffee mug in hand, to watch the Thanksgiving Day parades with my kids.

Will our Thanksgiving be the same without the aroma of roasting turkey wafting through the air?  No.  But when we sit down to eat, we will all enjoy the food, and I will be able to rest assured that all leftovers will eventually be consumed.

I will not, however, leave the traditional Thanksgiving feast entirely by the wayside. The women in the family will make a homemade apple pie, and I’ll whip up some other pumpkin type dessert (haven’t decided yet).  

Finally and most importantly, we will give thanks that we are able to share this meal and be together as a family at this moment in time. 

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

p.s. For some real stir-fried Thanksgiving recipes by Grace Young, check out this article from the New York Times:

http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/11/09/six-steps-to-a-thanksgiving-stir-fry/

Communicating with Nainai and Yeye

I told my daughter that Nainai and Yeye (her paternal grandma and grandpa) would be coming to visit in a little over a week, to which she responded, “Oh. That makes me a little bit happy and a little bit sad.” Unusual response, I thought. She explained that she enjoyed the gifts they lavished upon her (reserved for another blog post!), but refused to elaborate about the sad part.  She didn’t need to. I knew that she felt frustrated because Nainai and Yeye don’t always understand what she says. My in-laws likewise feel frustrated because their granddaughter can’t speak Chinese.

When my daughter was young, Yeye always spoke Chinese to her, even though she didn’t comprehend a word he said.  He has since realized that she doesn’t understand Chinese (although she's learning!), and speaks mostly English to her, throwing in a Chinese lesson whenever he can.  Nainai speaks English beautifully with my daughter almost all the time, but unfortunately there are still many miscommunications.

Where do we go from here? I was determined to find a way to encourage real communication between grandparent and grandchild that was both fun and (relatively) stress-free. Building on my daughter’s love of games and reading, we created an “idea box.”  The "idea box" is a box full of ideas of things she can play, do, and create with Nainai and Yeye.  They include things she can teach her grandparents and things they can teach her. I told my daughter to pick an idea out of the box whenever she wanted to play with Yeye or Nainai but didn’t know where to start.

Later, I found my daughter reading ideas from the box to her younger brother.  The prospect of interacting with Yeye and Nainai had turned from a chore into a game! I will report back on the success (or failure) of the box.  Til then, if you want to make your own "idea box," I've listed some basic instructions below.  Feel free to modify. I'd love to see what you come up with!

Make your own grandparent “idea box”:

1. With your child, brainstorm a list of things they would like to do with their grandparents. (This can include games, stories, or songs you’d like to teach them--or vice versa, artwork you can create together, songs or stories you want to share or hear, and food you want to cook together.)
2. Type or write these ideas down on strips of cardstock or other sturdy paper.
3. Place idea cards in a small and easily accessible basket.
4. Make sure to include some extra blank cards so new ideas can easily be added to the box.

Enjoy!

Halloween Memories

A week ago, I watched my six-year-old (the butterfly) lead my two-year-old (the frog) from house to house to collect candy. They worked as a team: the older child directing the younger, the younger using his chubby-faced charm to score some extra sweets, and the big sister gently reminding her brother to say “thank you.”  It was beautiful, and will surely be a good memory for many years to come.

It reminded me of another warm Halloween memory--from last year, when we introduced my husband’s aunt from China to this American holiday. Our house was the last stop on her whirlwind trip around the United States, and instead of showing her the top tourist sites in our hometown, we carved pumpkins, shopped for the perfect costume at a Halloween superstore, and took her trick-or-treating around our neighborhood.

Halloween is not celebrated in China, so mock graveyards in the front yard, jack-o-lanterns, and goofy costumes were all new concepts to her, but my husband’s 71-year-old aunt (who also wears high heels and totes designer handbags on a daily basis) dove into the festivities with joy.

She spent hours carving her pumpkin, employing skills undoubtedly gained from years as a plastic surgeon.  At the costume store, she carefully selected a fabulous witch costume, complete with a magenta silk hat and waistband.  And then she donned the costume with matching magenta lipstick and went trick-or-treating with us.

This year, as I reflect on these memories, I hope that my children and I receive Chinese cultural and family traditions with the same joy and eagerness my husband's aunt, our Dayima (below), showed us. 

Pumpkins! (Nangua)

It’s the time of year when pumpkins become the ubiquitous sign of autumn.  On our trip to a local pumpkin patch last weekend, my kids ran from pumpkin to pumpkin, examining the various shades, shapes, sizes, and textures.  

When it comes to fall cuisine, however, it is clear that our relationship with the pumpkin hasn’t branched far from pumpkin spice muffins--which are quite tasty and not to be underestimated! Since the pumpkin doesn’t play a major role in my in-law’s Shanghainese cuisine, I began searching the Web for regional cuisines in China that use nangua, or “pumpkin”.

In China, nangua refers to a specific variety of squash that is seedless and relatively large. The skin of a nangua can be green, orange, yellow, or grey, and it's peeled off when being prepared.  Click here for a picture of the Chinese variety of pumpkin by The Chinese Soup Lady.  

If you can’t get your hands on a Chinese nangua, do not fear! Here are two tantalizing dishes from Southern China that can be made from pumpkin varieties found in the United States.


Pumpkin Cakes (nangua bing) 

These savory cakes from Xiamen in Southern China use mashed pumpkin and rice flour as a base. Aromatics like Shitake mushrooms, dried shrimps, and scallions are stir-fried and added in, and then the cakes are delicately fried. Click here for beautiful pictures and recipe by Tiny Urban Kitchen.  

Stir-Fried Pumpkin (chao nangua) 
This simple Taiwanese dish is exactly what it sounds like, stir-fried Kabocha or Butternut squash with ginger, sugar, and a pinch of salt. 

Have fun cooking!

The Mid-Autumn Festival that could have been...

“Tomorrow is Mid-Autumn Festival (Zhongqiu Jie),” my husband announced.  “OK,” I thought, and then quickly forgot.

He brought home moon cakes from the Chinese store, and they set on the kitchen counter until five minutes before the kids’ bedtime when he suddenly remembered the lotus-bean treats. 

What followed next was a failed attempt to explain the holiday to our two kids through a badly translated and gory (no time for parental preview) Youtube video, and a brief moon cake taste-test (i.e. “You WILL try a bite of this!).  

“Surely there is a more enjoyable and educational way to celebrate this holiday,” my husband and I wondered as we sat on the couch after the kids had gone to bed. 

What could we have done differently to teach them about the story of Houyi and the moon goddess Chang'e? What could we have given them as a treat to celebrate and enjoy this holiday instead of the traditional lotus bean dessert, which their young palates have never really adjusted to?

After searching the web for fun and creative ways to celebrate with kids, I stumbled across Grace Lin’s beautiful book, Thanking the Moon, in which a Chinese American family heads out for a moonlight picnic, shares a mooncake and hot tea snack, and sends secret wishes up to the moon.

I’m not sure what our family life will look like one year from now, but I hope that when Mid-Autumn Festival rolls around (September 30, 2012!) we will be preparing for our own midnight picnic under the light of the moon.

Links:

History and traditions of the Mid-Autumn Festival: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mid-Autumn_Festival

All about the mooncake: http://www.familyculture.com/holidays/mooncake.htm

A traditional mooncake recipe for the adventurous baker: http://happyhomebaking.blogspot.com/2011/09/mid-autumn-fest.html

Grace Lin's book on the Mid-Autumn Festival: http://www.gracelin.com/content.php?page=thanking_moon

Shang Ke!

It's fall, which means that it's time to start looking for Chinese lessons for my six-year old.  Chinese-class hunting has become an annual ritual for our family ever since my daughter turned three.

"Chinese class?" many of our non-Chinese speaking friends incredulously ask.  "But don't you and your husband speak Chinese?"

"Yes," I usually explain.  "But my husband's native tongue is Shanghainese, a dialect of Mandarin that is like its completely own language."

I speak Mandarin, but it is my acquired tongue, so the Chinese that I teach my kids either has bad grammar or incorrect tones.  When my daughter was a baby, my husband would sometimes overhear me teaching her short phrases in Chinese.  His response:  "What are you trying to teach her to say?"
So I stuck with funny expressions and slang that were fun to use around the house (such as "stinky bottom" and "big head"), and hoped that she wouldn't repeat them to her grandparents on accident.

So back to Chinese lessons.  We tried sending L to the local Chinese school where she attended with other Chinese kids--those who had recently moved to the United States, biracial kids, and kids who had been adopted from China at birth.  That worked out okay until she turned five and the songs and games that she so loved...stopped. They were replaced with two hours of sitting in a chair and repeating Chinese words and phrases to her teacher, who often spoke in a loud monotone.

Next, we hired a teacher from China who was trained as a language instructor to give private lessons to my daughter and several other girls. The teacher brought the songs and games back, and my daughter began to love learning Chinese again. Sadly, our beloved teacher was not available this year so we started another search.

This year my girl will take private lessons with a native English speaker who is proficient in Chinese and dedicated to teaching young non-native speakers. My daughter is loving her classes so far.  Her teacher comes prepared with stickers, candy, and a panda puppet each week.  What little girl can resist these treats?

For now, my girl is excited to learn Chinese, and that is something to celebrate!